Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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