i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I had to cum in my sink.
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