and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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