I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
