My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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