The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
