I didn't shave. On purpose
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Randomize
