It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I didn't notice because vodka
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
