I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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