Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
your like the ambassador to my penis.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize