Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
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