my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
