I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Randomize
