Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
