Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Green mimosas i think yes
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
