I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
This baby is an asshole
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
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