Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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