I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
