I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
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