I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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