Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
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