apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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