He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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