Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
