that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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