Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Randomize
