What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
