he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Randomize
