I feel like I'm in dance class right now
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Randomize
