3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Randomize