The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
