Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
