In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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