Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
