Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Randomize
