...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
