We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
