I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
