playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Randomize