i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Randomize
