Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
