p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Randomize
