Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Randomize
