please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Randomize
