Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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