He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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