My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
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