it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
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