: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
