My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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