i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize