Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
