overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
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