At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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