watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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