Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
