so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Randomize
