fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
