One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
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