so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
