..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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