guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
