I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
