he was CRYING into my vagina
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
