i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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