just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
