brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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