He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Who died my cat blue again?
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
