sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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