Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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