Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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