I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Randomize