I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
high people should be assigned attendants
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
